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I am a night auditor for LQ.
Dear sir,
If you do not call in to tell someone at our lovely hotel that you will be running late, your reservation will be cancelled at 1 AM, and someone else will get your lovely room. Yelling at me when you get here will not change the fact that we are completely booked. Sorry. You should've called in.
Dear crazy lady:
If our rates are too high, don't sit there and scream at me in the lobby. It's 7:15 AM and I was supposed to be home by 7 AM. Go somewhere else, you cheapskate. You get what you pay for. I don't care if you spent all your money filling up your gas-guzzling truck. I fill my car up with premium every 2 weeks and don't blink because I KNOW the gas is cheap at $3.89 a gallon. It's better than pay $15 like in some countries. Don't sit there and tell everyone in the lobby (who is checked in, eating breakfast) that our rates are too high. Everyone is thinking about what an arse you are making of yourself. This is a higher-end hotel. Sorry?
Dear guy with the dog:
When a doggie goes poopie in your room, you clean it up. You don't let it sit there for days. Clean up their boom-boom. You went out of town for 2 weeks, and your doggie almost starved to death. If it wasn't for the front desk, it would have died. Why do you even have a dog if you are at work 16 hours a day and then go clubbing afterwards?
Dear naked couple:
I told you at check-in about the doors. If they close, they automatically lock. Having a good time is one thing, but don't share it with the first floor! When you chased your girfriend/wife/mistress/other out of the room, that "click" told you that, indeed, you are locked out. And please, don't come down to the front desk in your birthday suits in front of other guests and ask for another room key. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!????
Dear everyone:
STOP RUNNING INTO THE PLANTS!!! Thank you. There is a WALL OF VEGETATION THERE! It's not an optical illusion, I promise you.
Dear lady who is mistaken:
No, I don't care what your "Travel Book" said about our hotel. Our rates aren't that cheap. Yes, I see that's what the book says. No, I cannot change the rate. Our rates constantly change, and the book you're holding doesn't have a magical device in it to change it to the rate our hotel is now. Sorry. No, I'm not being mean. If you want to stay here, you pay the price like everyone else does or go somewhere else. Why don't you call around next time, or just use the INTERNET and make a cheap reservation?
Dear everyone (again):
When I say "we're full", that's what it means- we have no rooms left to sell. Standing there for 5 minutes isn't going to make a room appear before your very eyes. Don't ask me, "You don't have ANY rooms? No rooms AT ALL?" The answer is going to be no. And don't even try to sleep in our parking lot, you freeloader.
~Thanks,
Your lovely night auditor
Dear sir,
If you do not call in to tell someone at our lovely hotel that you will be running late, your reservation will be cancelled at 1 AM, and someone else will get your lovely room. Yelling at me when you get here will not change the fact that we are completely booked. Sorry. You should've called in.
Dear crazy lady:
If our rates are too high, don't sit there and scream at me in the lobby. It's 7:15 AM and I was supposed to be home by 7 AM. Go somewhere else, you cheapskate. You get what you pay for. I don't care if you spent all your money filling up your gas-guzzling truck. I fill my car up with premium every 2 weeks and don't blink because I KNOW the gas is cheap at $3.89 a gallon. It's better than pay $15 like in some countries. Don't sit there and tell everyone in the lobby (who is checked in, eating breakfast) that our rates are too high. Everyone is thinking about what an arse you are making of yourself. This is a higher-end hotel. Sorry?
Dear guy with the dog:
When a doggie goes poopie in your room, you clean it up. You don't let it sit there for days. Clean up their boom-boom. You went out of town for 2 weeks, and your doggie almost starved to death. If it wasn't for the front desk, it would have died. Why do you even have a dog if you are at work 16 hours a day and then go clubbing afterwards?
Dear naked couple:
I told you at check-in about the doors. If they close, they automatically lock. Having a good time is one thing, but don't share it with the first floor! When you chased your girfriend/wife/mistress/other out of the room, that "click" told you that, indeed, you are locked out. And please, don't come down to the front desk in your birthday suits in front of other guests and ask for another room key. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!????
Dear everyone:
STOP RUNNING INTO THE PLANTS!!! Thank you. There is a WALL OF VEGETATION THERE! It's not an optical illusion, I promise you.
Dear lady who is mistaken:
No, I don't care what your "Travel Book" said about our hotel. Our rates aren't that cheap. Yes, I see that's what the book says. No, I cannot change the rate. Our rates constantly change, and the book you're holding doesn't have a magical device in it to change it to the rate our hotel is now. Sorry. No, I'm not being mean. If you want to stay here, you pay the price like everyone else does or go somewhere else. Why don't you call around next time, or just use the INTERNET and make a cheap reservation?
Dear everyone (again):
When I say "we're full", that's what it means- we have no rooms left to sell. Standing there for 5 minutes isn't going to make a room appear before your very eyes. Don't ask me, "You don't have ANY rooms? No rooms AT ALL?" The answer is going to be no. And don't even try to sleep in our parking lot, you freeloader.
~Thanks,
Your lovely night auditor
amused
bouncy